Test, Test

So I know some people are actually reading this (or at least telling me they are). One of those people is my brother; he is very loyal. My fiance reads it whenever I ask him to, which I don't do very often because he is subjected to my endless chatter on an almost daily basis and has likely heard everything in here already. My sister...well I'm not too sure about her. Rather than just ask her, I am going to test her. I am going to confess something here and see if she finds out. Here goes:

I spilled printer ink on your new beige carpet. I am not saying when, where or how much of it came out (although there is only one printer in the house so with your strong powers of deductive reasoning you may just figure out where).

Let's see what happens.

In other news, I have decided to use the ugly pink acrylic yarn someone donated to my stash to make a dog sweater. I should probably make dog booties since the poor little things are getting salt stuck in their paws and then they walk all antalgic like and I find it really pathetic to watch. There's something about a limping dog that tugs at the heartstrings (limping children for some reason don't have that effect, one reason I never went into paed's). I made a cute little mouse for a certain cat I know to play with:

The first monkey sock is finished and in order to avoid second sock syndrome (it's a real thing) I started the second one right away. Pictures to come soon.

List Minus Four Projects!

A few things were finished. Most weren't, but that's ok. In the end everyone will still get a present.

Why does it never look like the photo on the pattern?

I stopped the ponchette a bit shy of the 53" long mark because I couldn't take it anymore...I don't think it's any worse because of that. Hopefully its destined owner will still like it.

Due to factors completely beyond my control I substituted a scarf for mittens and voila, the basketweave scarf

The picture makes it look like some other textured pattern but trust me, it's basketweave. I know because last night when trying to finish it I was drinking a beer and every fifth row (where I reverse the pattern) I had to tink because apparently 1/2 a beer is my threshold for being able to knit without making recurrent mistakes. Damn Innis and Gunn.

Thanks to my lovely mother visiting two other projects were finished (i.e. Buttons! Normally I outsource this part. It's right up there with ironing on my list of things I need to be bribed with potato chips to do).

I was extremely fortunate to be put on an outpatient clinic rotation during the holidays so I have more than the expected time off. Lots more knitting (and a bit of studying via podcasts) will be accomplished. Given the bombardment of snow recently I have been reminded of the numerous employees who won't have Christmas Day off work. No matter what holiday you celebrate, it sucks being the one left behind. So thank you to all the hospital staff, fire station staff, police station staff, tow truck drivers, snow plow operators, 911 call centers, and everyone else working this holiday!

I'm having way too much fun

I got a swift and a ball winder for Chanukah! My internet has been very slow the last week (maybe someone has hacked in, I'm not even sure if it needs a password) so I have stayed off the computer for a little while. It's actually good for my studying anyway, although now I have fun new toys to play with. I'm a little worried about damaging the table I mount them on/off of but a coaster seems to do the trick for protecting the wood. I of course had to get new yarn so that I could practice using them and now have more sock yarn than I can knit with, given how not any further along the monkey socks are. The ponchette is only about 8inches away from being finished. The only thing that can stand in my way now: starting a paediatrics rotation during RSV season....gah

I guess this means I lose my street cred

I didn't have much to begin with so I haven't fallen far. Reading last months CFP journal I came across the line "Topical application of cocaine to the nipples is dangerous and contraindicated during breastfeeding."

Um....what?

Why on earth would anyone do that? I can't imagine that was part of a trial unless it was during the pre-ethics review board era. Even then, why would they think to test that? Maybe this is what people are doing nowadays?

I do tend to get a little lost when talking to a person who uses recreational drugs, I am simply not up to date enough on the lingo. Although I'm not fully sure that's a bad thing, it does leave me at somewhat of a disadvantage when this comes up in a workday. Why wasn't this part of medical school? We sat through lectures on complementary medicine, why not the third kind of drugs?

Oh well...just a little less cred

Hooray for progress!

Finally some progress has been made, it's amazing what can happen on a weekend off. I can't figure out how to incorporate the picture into the text and then have the rest of the blog not be part of the caption (I'm not all that concerned about it though).

Unfortunately this does not necessarily mean I will have any knitting finished before the holidays so they can be given as presents. I did manage to get to the button store (very exciting for me, a lot less so for the person I dragged with me) and buy buttons for 2 baby sweaters for a babe that is due in January (sex NYDiagnosed so I made a pink and a blue sweater).

Not much else was accomplished unless you count washing and rewashing floors because little puppies like to play in the rain. Personally I find that less than accomplishing something since they came out dirtier than they were originally (new mop has now been acquired). The shawl has had a bit of progress, I don't have a picture because it will be finished soon (although I'm still not sure who it is for). 

As usual, minimal studying has been accomplished unless you count hours on the phone listening to hold music for clinics and consults and what not. I count it towards meditation and stress relief time. The nurses all think I'm crazy for "ohm'ing" while on the phone (jk, I only do that when someone drags me to a yoga class and I feel left out if I don't ohm. I don't know what it means and I hate yoga).

I did manage to check which Yarn Harlot books I haven't read and play several miniature air hockey games. Very productive. 

Monkey Socks are coming along!

TLC

There is an unwritten hierarchy in medicine that relates to taking care of the younger members. The junior residents buy the Med students coffee, the senior residents buy the med students and juniors lunch, and the staff buy the med students, juniors and seniors dinner on call. Not every day of course, just on occasion.

On some teams/services this doesn't happen, and I've noticed a definite trend on those services to the younger members not being as cared for as I would like to see. To that end I have developed a set of rules for my junior team members:

You should not be more oliguric than your patients (I know where each water station in the hospital is)

You should not eat worse than your patients (unfortunately I also know where all of the vending machines with my favourite chip flavours are)

You should sleep about as well as your patients do

They're pretty simple; I'm not a big fan of complicated lists (hence why I did not go into internal medicine). Basic TLC goes a long way with your junior team members, just like it does with your patients. Hopefully I will remember these when I'm a staff....one day....

The list of what I did accomplish is much shorter: " "

I didn't get any further in my knitting. I didn't study. I didn't clean. I didn't cook. My one attempt at baking mostly failed.

What did I do all week?

I haven't a flippin clue. This weekend I'm on call so I don't expect to accomplish much either. Knitting can come to the hospital with me but I think it is a jinx (if I bring it it'll be busy and I won't knit a single stitch and if I leave it at home I'll be sitting there wishing I had knitting because it's the "q" word that ER and OB staff yell at you if you say). Many of you probably have a list of Christmas knitting that you're frantically working on...hopefully you're also continually adding to it and not crossing any off finished so that I feel less hopeless.

I saw a picture that was a textbook with gummi bears on each paragraph so that when you reached that point in reading you got to eat the gummi bear....I wonder how I can use that strategy but with knitting, and without blocking the words....something to ponder

What not to do post call (a way shorter list than what to do)

I've just finished my last obstetrical call shift, a major milestone for many residents to be sure. In true resident fashion, it was crazy busy and I was a bit run ragged, although excellent outcomes all around. At handover I was more than a little weird from lack of sleep and having breakfast with a friend, albeit delightful and delicious, prolonged sleep just a touch long. I eventually slept and then woke up at 4pm....in need of food. This is really never a good scenario.

After all these years of call I am slowly comprising my list. The list of what not to do post call. It is crucial, one bad post call day can really make or break the next section of life (and by life I of course am referring to the next residency block that I am on). So here is my list so far.

List of things never to do post call
Not in order of importance

1. Go grocery shopping unsupervised (unless I want to repeat the week of potato chip dinners)

2. Make major life decisions

3. Operate heavy machinery

4. Internet shop (same sorta deal as the grocery shopping...I think my impulse control is eradicated by lack of sleep)

5. Start a new knitting project (I seem to have to learn this lesson every post call day....is there no limit to how many times I can rip back a new project because I cannot comprehend the cast on or joining instructions)

6. Clean out your closet for donation (pajamas and scrubs being the only reasonable clothes I can think to wear at the time, but my closet being painfully empty after)

7. Walk the dog that likes to jump off the curb just as a car is coming (not sure if he is suicidal or just really stupid, either way I don't want to test my reflexes)


It's a work in progress. I am sure future blocks will result in the list lengthening as I mess up my life further. I should probably add "write a new blog post" to the list since I can predict some very weird blog posts coming up....oh well.

Slight progress on the Monkey socks

Monkey

How many hours of my life have I spent knitting?

So I'm sure by this point many of you are thinking "if only I knew how to knit I could be as cool as the knitting doctor." Here's how you can (learn to knit, not to be cool like me):

Have an acquaintance beg to teach you (i.e. be the only one in Rez with a tv).

Have said acquaintance come over to teach you while you watch grey's anatomy together (before med school ruined it for you).

Become good friends with said acquaintance because now you need her to fix all of your knitting mistakes (thankfully she is a nice person to be friends with anyway).

Compile a list of public-appropriate swear words (you don't want to be dropping the f bomb when your bus hits a bump and you drop a stitch).

Learn the lingo: knit, purl, tink, frog, psso, ssk, k2tog, kbl, etc etc
(The Knit Witch has good youtube videos for learning different stitches)

Learn how to read a pattern (learn how to read a chart if you're really keen...I still filter out any patterns with a chart).

And if you're male and you worry it's too feminine, just think of it as playing with ninja sticks (do those really exist? If so I want some).

You're basically a pro know. Some people go on to become spinners who spin their own yarn. I have not. It sounds like too much work and I tend to hurt myself when using machinery (hence why I did not go into surgery and am not allowed to use the tool kit at home)...maybe one day though...

Go on, fight the grizzly off with the knitting needle

Recently I participated in a survival course... for various reasons. I was absolutely shocked and delighted to discover several knitting skills that actually transform into survival skills. Who knew all these years you weren't just knitting, you were preparing!

Knitting improves manual dexterity (I'm assuming, I don't actually have a study to quote to back this up). Manual dexterity will help with a variety of tasks such as feathering wood and lighting finicky matches. If you knit outside when it's cold the ability to use your hands in subzero temperatures will help too.

The Russian join could be used to secure 2 cords into 1 long cord....just think what you could do with one long cord! 

(I really have no idea, I didn't pay stellar attention to the entire course...but they kept mentioning the importance of rope).

Braiding, as in the braided join, could be used to join 2 cords or just braid 3 pieces together to make them stronger (same purpose as above).

Four double pointed needles, joined to knit in the round, resemble the configuration of the way you pile logs for a fire. You put them 2 by 2 to make a square then put kindling in the middle and use your already weather savvy hands to light it with the stupid finicky matches (I'm not a camper, for various reasons).

Honestly, I think the knit kit alone would serve more purpose than my skills. With scissors and a thread cutter and something to count steps with, it’s practically the same as a Leatherman multi-tool.

And last but not least, the items you knitted for others that are hopefully by your side in said disaster will have created goodwill so they can get you out of the situation, since you're a knitter and a doctor and have no real world skills (not talking about myself, of course).

Stay safe,

TheCdnKnittingDoctor

Remembrance Day

Thank you Veterans.

I know the way

I know every exercise avoidance technique that exists. It's really not that I'm completely lazy, I did work hard to get into medical school and am still doing so as a resident. I just hate working out. Much like plane travel, I have carefully crafted a set of guidelines learned from past experiences. And of course by guidelines, I mean excuses.

I have been known to:
Claim the gym was closed when I pulled into the parking lot although there were clearly people inside working out.

Not find a parking spot so drive back home instead (I live a block from my gym and know there is a parking situation).

Go to the gym. Find a mat to "stretch" on then fall asleep and use up all my dedicated gym time napping.

Go on an elliptical with something to read and then get dizzy from reading and bouncing so just stand on the elliptical reading (took my gym partner 10 minutes to realize I was no longer moving).

Of course the usual excuses: no time, no clean gym clothes, no new music to listen to, wait until the gym is closed, go at peak times so there is no free equipment.

So of course the real reason I knit is probably evident by now, but I'll say it anyway. I knit to procrastinate. Trying to avoid all of the unpleasant things in life such as cleaning, answering emails, studying, and working out is quite achievable if you are knitting. It is easy to rationalize because knitting is so productive, there is a finished product! Clearly I am a product knitter, not a process knitter.

But now I'm running out of excuses. I have an iPhone with medical podcasts, so I can't use the excuse that I have to study. I have nice gym clothes. I can walk to the gym. And I've had lots of knitting time recently.

So....back to the drawing board.

My latest procrastination project: Monkey

Health "Duh's"

I like reading CBC, mostly to get a hint of what is going on in the world in case I get trapped in one of those discussions.  You know, the ones that don't involve knitting or medicine.

I always check out the health section so that if there is something making headlines that patients might ask me about, I have heard of it. A classic example is when the Zamboni procedure made headlines in the popular press. I find it quite annoying though that many of the articles are really self evident doctrines that are being spun in a new way. I think they can basically be summed up as the following:

Smoking is bad
Alcohol is bad
Drugs are bad
Exercise is good
Fruits and vegetables are good
Knitting is good

And those are your health headlines for the year.

Sincerely,
The Knitting Doctor

P.S. These should not be construed as me providing medical advice. I'm not allowed to do that.

P.P.S. Seriously, please don't sue me.

P.P.P.S. Stay tuned tomorrow for the real reason why I knit.

"Is this resident normal?"

Much like the "is this child normal" drills I've done many times in my medical education where they list behaviours or show pictures and we have to say if they are normal, I often wonder what the answer would be if someone posted my behaviours.

Do you ever wonder if the things you think are completely normal are actually very weird?

For example:

Cooking everything at the same temperature so that when I learn a new recipe I know how long it takes to cook/bake at that temperature (350 if you were wondering, and meringue is the only exception).

Drinking caffeine partway through the day so there is more than a 1/365 chance of me going to the gym after work (I do not enjoy the gym, see post "I know the way").

Changing my breakfast cereal each week (I don't like monotony, see post "this is the shawl that doesn't end").

Not being able to fold together socks that don't match. And I don't mean different colours or sizes. I mean they have to perfectly match: size, degree of colour change, degree of wear. To be fair, I'm not aware of any consequences of folding unmatched socks. I have discovered such pairs and did not experience any horrific consequences.

I may have just turned a whole bunch of people off of reading my blog. Oh well, I don't like people that scare easily.

Lastly, you may have noticed I changed the name; the knitting doctor was already taken by another blogger. We're semi-friends now.

Sincerely,
TheCdnKnittingDoctor

P.S. I didn't sleep well last night, there might be a more normal post tomorrow.

This is the shawl that doesn't end

And it goes on and on my friends

Some people started knitting it not knowing how dull it was

And they'll continue knitting it for 23.5 more inches just because it is the shawl that doesn't end

And it goes on and on my friends

(Much like the neurosurg OR)

Some people started working it not knowing what it was

And they'll continue working it forever just because it is the subdural that never ends

And it goes on and on my friends


This shawl has dragged on way past the point of being interesting (to non-neurosurgeons, of course). Technically it's a ponchette, but that didn't really fit with the song.

Back to work,
The Knitting Doctor

P.S. I actually really like the Cotton Lace Ponchette it's just getting tedious. And the picture is upside down and I can't figure out how to fix it. See post on Training the Dragon for why I don't care that I can't fix it. 

How (not to) Train the Dragon

Today was my first day using voice to text dictation for my clinical notes. It did not go well, although it was partially my fault as I had not actually learned how to train the software and instead decided to just jump right in. You can see the text being produced across the screen and I gazed in horror as it typed out “baby German” when I said “Betaderm”, and “vaginal puree” when I said “vaginal pruritis”.  Apparently Dragon software wanted my patients to apply a baby German for their vaginal puree. I knew it was going to be a long day in the vulvar clinic.

This dictation method went on for several hours until I eventually clued in that I could just mute the microphone and type my note, as I am used to doing. As a fast typist, my mother having forced me to learn on a typewriter at a very young age, this went rather well. I cannot say I am a convert to the voice to text dictation.

My dislike of this new software is very much in congruence with my overall reluctance to embrace new technology. My first iPhone was the iPhone 4s and I use a netbook rather than a full size computer. The netbook, Lucy, struggles to keep up most days. I print all of my notes to study off of and have repeatedly argued in favour of printing resources with the higher-ups in my Department. I understand the saving the trees argument but I simply cannot study off of a computer screen. Yes I am aware you can highlight text, but Lucy didn’t seem to like the yellow and pink marker I drew across her screen.

So I will continue to fight the technology influx while downloading the “Find iPhone” app (my iPhone recently went on an independent adventure to a different province).

I made a mistake

I made a mistake in my knitting. It was way too late to fix when I noticed it unless I wanted to tink almost to the beginning, which I have never been willing to do. The only question I have is: can I still gift this project?

I had a friend in mind to give these socks to. I don't think she would mind the mistake...would I though? I can just see myself apologizing for the mistake as I give them to her and then she insists it's ok and we go back and forth until I've made it unbearably awkward. It might be better for me to just make another sock.

Last year I made a sweater for someone that had one sleeve 4 feet longer than the other. No, that is not a typo, FOUR FEET. I still don't know how it happened, I think it started off too big then had some trouble with blocking. I spent the whole night on Ravelry soliciting fixing advice; everyone there was dumbfounded. In the end I re-knit the whole sleeve.

I have some experience with mistakes.

I'm Knitting on a Plane

I am on a plane. I fly frequently and have very specific rituals, each intelligently gleaned from past unintelligent experiences.

I was delighted to discover that knitting on planes was allowed back when I was a new knitter. There was a bit of a balancing act that needed to take place though. I didn’t know where to put the ball of yarn so I had it in my lap; it then fell out of my lap and rolled to the back of the plane under about 10 rows of seats. I had to go to the back of the plane and coax each person into handing the ball of yarn under the seat in front of them until I got back to my seat. This is why I sit at the back of the plane. And why I have a Ziploc bag for the yarn ball.

I was on a flight to Beijing and was sitting in a window seat next to a Chinese gentleman. He promptly fell asleep and I immediately regretted the large tea I had just before the flight. I sat still as long as I could, silently debating if I should wake him up or try to jump over him. Somehow jump over him seemed more rational, despite my short stature. I ended up both kicking him and falling into his lap, and couldn’t explain how I ended up there because he didn’t understand English. I still wonder what explanation his mind came up with. This is why I sit in the aisle. And why I wait until take off to drink my tea.

Going through security in a Canadian airport I was flying carry on only (before the liquids restriction, now I can’t even fathom how to do that) so I had my makeup case in my luggage. Apparently my eyelash curler looks suspicious so it was flagged by the x ray guy and my bag was opened. When they found said eyelash curler, the older male security guard repeatedly asked me what it was for, my explanations were not satisfactory so I had to demonstrate my eyelash curler in front of the back-up of fliers. Lesson learned: odd metal objects go in checked.

Other quick lessons:

When they announce your name overhead and say your plane is leaving, abandon your Tim Horton’s bagel and run

Always carry cash

Never rely on the in-flight entertainment system to work

Bring spare yarn

Roll with the punches

Thanks for reading,

The Knitting Doctor

Happy Birthday Babies

I am a medical resident. I am a knitter. I am starting this blog to have a place to share the completely random and ridiculous thoughts that come into mind while I am working/knitting...and hopefully avoid doctor burnout.

I love delivering babies, every time one comes out I say hi to it. It screams back since it doesn’t quite comprehend that that is a friendly greeting in this world, its previous world having been a jumble of words (I can only assume, my memory not going back quite that far). Plus I like when it screams, that means its lungs are working and I can silently breathe a sigh of relief that I (or really the delivery room nurses) won’t need to resuscitate it. There are other parts that I breathe a sigh of relief for; that the parents are distracted enough not to pick up on the fact that when I tell the mom to push I often get confused and start bearing down myself. I’ll be in real trouble if I ever deliver a baby while pregnant.

I also breathe relief when the patient has a straightforward social situation: there is some type of family or support for the mom, be it a husband/wife/commonlaw, the mom has a place to live and some financial means to support the baby and is feeling well going in. The powerless feeling of delivering a baby to a woman who has no support, no house, no food, or isn’t capable of taking care of the baby is something I find difficult. I have often said the most important people in the hospital are the Social Workers.

I delivered babies on my birthday recently. I said “Happy Shared Birthday” to each one with a giant smile on my face. They screamed back.